Miyuki

If I could change the world,
I'd start with the face in the mirror;
the reddened eyes, tired of
crying for a lost childhood,
and the frostbitten lips; damaged but still smiling, weakly.
I'd start with the nerve in my body
that feels numb and even invisible
sometimes, when all I want to do is feel
again; feel like nothing else matters
but cherry blossoms in the spring,
but the girl I loved when I was a fast-talking 10-year old,
agile in my plan for revenge.

Oh darling, it's disturbing; these memories,
the very thought of finding you in this mess;
the aftermath of chaos, of car crashes and murder,
spelled out in autumn leaves  on a concrete sidewalk.
But maybe I wouldn't change a thing..
Because of what I did back in primary school,
you were able to see the sun again,
peeking through the windows of your
collapsing, fake Betty Crocker home.
And even though I ask for forgiveness
every morning at the Shinto shrine,
bowing before spirits carved in marble,
I don't think I'm honestly sorry.

You were my first kiss in the pencil lead rain.
Nobody can take that away..
You were my inspiration,
the reason I started reading classic novels
set during the American Civil War.
You were the only pure thing
in my cheaply-tailored world.
And now, where do I do?
I comb the streets of this Starbucks-scented city for you.
Lost; I close my eyes, waiting for the bus home,
and imagine the prettiest girl  standing before me,
waiting for me to recognize her.
I picture your skin; a perfect porcelain tint,
glowing in the aging sunlight.
Oh yes, I can see it now, girl;
the sun gets old but you're stuck in time,
your geisha eyes gleaming like
stolen onyx stones, your lips rosy;
not quite smiling, yet not quite frowning;
the feelings in that broken smile
are so clear and irreplaceable.

You and I are caught in the crossfire..
If I could make a deal with the dark angel,
a fallen spirit; a time traveler,
I would do anything to gain his trust, darling;
to make the world safe for us to play
hide-and-seek again, like we did in 1994.
But it's over..
All the cherry blossoms are dead on the temple floor
and blood runs thicker than water.
I hold you, girl; as tight as I can,
without bruising your milky white shoulders.
We make love to the sound of thunder,
rolling through the glassy heavens
like a gypsy's crystal ball
revealing something ominous; like a record stuck on repeat,
playing classical guitar, all night long.

Oh girl, tarnished daisy rain hits the windows
and yet, you sigh my name,
instead of commenting on the chilly weather;
so I consider this a small
victory in my chest, the fact that I can
keep you warm, make you
forget the trauma, the pain of 1998.

Oh I finally have you, safe in my arms
after years of worrying,
not knowing where you ended up, after
5th grade science and bell rings; doing drugs,
selling yourself in Shibuya; the fashion district.
I'm glad it's over; you didn't end up
another Gothic Lolita on a newspaper cover,
an old man's dirty fantasy in a plaid skirt.

Cupping your face in my hands, I tell you,
"You're the most beautiful creature I've ever seen,
and I know you think you're ugly;
twisted inside, after what that man did to.
But trust me; you're not, girl..
Miyuki, you'll never be."
What happened wasn't your fault, sweetheart.
We all get scared; we all run with scissors
from one room to the other, accidentally.
But let's just have one day when we don't
remember anything disturbing, please.
Let's just lie on the long-stemmed grass,
pretend we're kids again, please.

Miyuki, you know I'd kill for you;
drive a blade into the chest of my own father
because the way I see it,
a real parent would never abuse a child.
So, all that man is to me is a stranger without a face;
a monster, an enemy of our star-struck Narnia.
But evergreen; your spirit stayed fierce,
cool and glossy, warm within.
And even though most people never saw it,
I witnessed your true emotions,
peeking out from beneath the leaves;
honest fear and a tenderness that never
dies young, caged and forgotten.
I will never part with this, say goodbye,
let it be the end of our midnight chapter.